we went through the whole day with no meltdowns, no put-downs, just nice and pleasant. It's days like yesterday that give me the bit of strength I need to get through the rest of the days.
Today I was told to "quit being snobby" and to get off my "fat, lazy ***" when I told him I'm not going to run as part of this exercise plan he wants us to get on when we live in the same house. I'm not a runner. I never have been.
I'm a stress eater and not just a stress eater, a stress weight-gainer. Even if I'm eating healthy and exercising I put on weight and/or retain weight if I'm in a stressful or unhappy situation. I've been to see doctors and everything. I'm just a fatty when I'm unhappy. Now, I'm not massively huge or anything... I'm about 30-40 lbs over where I'd like to be, kinda average for a mom. I lost weight during the few months I was single a couple of years ago. I just had no desire for sweets and I had energy to work-out and I was happy. I know the happiness was the biggest key. I went from a size 16 to a size 10 in about 5 months with very little work. Since I married Mike a little over a year and a half ago I've put most of that weight back on. It's really sad for me. But I know that until my life becomes a bit more happy and my relationship becomes a bit more functional I won't lose any weight. It's hard for me to hear him tell me I'm fat and lazy. I know I'm not lazy. I'm one of those crazy busy moms that works and is in the PTA presidency and directs children's plays and does my church calling and cooks and crafts and blah, blah, blah. But I guess in his mind because I've put on weight since I've married him I'm just lazy or I'd lose the weight. Frustrating!!!
I go to counseling tonight. It's my second to last session before I move. I really look forward to these sessions. I wish I could have more. They really help to give me the strength I need to set the boundaries and rules for our family. It's also nice to be reminded that if I was to walk away from this marriage, it would be ok. I wouldn't be failing. It's not my job to save him if he doesn't want to be saved. I know I'm moving and I'm staying with him as long as things are progressing, but it's still nice to hear that I have options.
Only When Things are Really Bad
3 weeks ago