Friday, July 3, 2009

Who Am I?

First off, I'm not a journaler, I'm a blogger. So when my counselor suggested keeping a journal, I knew it would be an online one. To protect the privacy of my family, due to the personal nature of this blog, all names have been changed and it's not a typo, I'm spelling them the way I want. It's my blog. LOL I have other blogs, but this is a different side of me... a different kind of blog. Let me introduce my family first and then I'll get to myself.

Mike is my husband. This is a second marriage for both of us. As of July 2009, we've been married a little over a year and a half. Mike has Aperger's Syndrome (AS). We have just discovered this a few months ago. I thought I had just married a mean, verbally abusive, out of control, uncaring person. Now we know. He also has ADHD, social anxieties and a reading disorder. It's a lot to handle and I pray every day for the strength to keep going.

I have three kids and he has three kids. Their ages right now are: 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, & 12. Yes, we have our hands full. I guess you can see where this whole Brady Bunch thing came from, huh? My kids live with me full time and we have Mike's kids every other weekend and random holidays.

Marsha is my oldest and the oldest of all six. She's 12 years old. She's always been my hardest child. She has inherited many traits from her dad which means her and I clash. Big time. She's getting a better as she gets older, but I know her and I will always have to work extra hard to get along.

Jan is my middle child. She's nine years old and she's sweet and caring and smart and everyone loves her. She's always every teachers favorite student. Of all my kids I see more of myself in her than any of the others. She puts everyone else first and is a peacemaker.

Peter is my youngest and is the youngest of the whole clan. He'll be eight next week. He's a super smart and caring kid, but he is ALL BOY. He's in trouble often, but it's never mean-spirited trouble, just the "boys being boys" type.

Cindy is Mike's oldest. She's 11. She, like her dad, suffers from ADHD. The reason I gave her the name Cindy is she's about the whiniest person I've ever met in my life. She doesn't seem to be able to communicate in a normal tone of voice. It's whine, whine, whine.

Greg is 10. He's our oldest boy. He also has ADHD and takes at least two meds for it. He eats like no person I've ever met. He thinks about food from sun-up til sun-down. He seems anxious all the time and makes me a bit insane.

Bobbi is 8. She's Mike's youngest. She is bossy and loud and has been spoiled rotten her whole life. I don't mean to sound really down on my step-kids, but they haven't exactly had the best parenting in their lives. I have regular email run-ins with their mother who will be known as Cruella.

Now to me: Who am I? I'm a 30 year old member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latterday Saints (LDS or Mormon). I'm a mom, I'm a crafter, a baker, a blogger, a facebooker and a homemaker. I'm EXTREMELY patient and it's a good thing, because if I wasn't I would have either divorced or killed my husband by now. I grew up in an emotionally/verbally and sometimes physically abusive home. I got married at 17 to escape my family and the small town I lived in. I spent 10 1/2 years in a dysfunctional marriage with a porn addict. I will refer to my exhusband as Black Bart or Bart for short. I've never had an easy happy life, but it is my goal to get to that point. This blog is open and completely honest. It's just me...


  1. it's very nice to meet you sweetie.... i am trying really hard to get back into blogging!!! i hope to see you soon!!

  2. Hey! :) Just found your blog (related to some Aspergers stuff I'm studying). You sound a whole hell of a lot like me. Except I dont really have a blog to talk about all of it. Maybe I should, LOL. Also, I'm not religious in any way. Anyways, thot I'd drop a line and say 'hi'. Nice to know there are other people out there with similar thought process.

  3. my genius husband of 17 years is AS, just found out one year ago, changed my entire that I realize I don't actually exist to him except to serve his needs I don't have to care what he 'thinks' of me...and now I don't have to abandon him either, he is helpless really...but what is really amazing is the difference Risperdone made...he is now the sweetest, most agreeable darling child in an adult body who ever lived! who of course still somehow gets his needs met no matter, when I read that AS women either never marry or marry AS men, I realized I have some traits too! LOVE having a name for it!

  4. i got the part... " I don't actually exist to him except to serve his needs. ... that is where I am. Married 30 years and we just discovered this.
    You might think I'm slow but we had a child with 10 years of surgery and I had allot more than myself to think about. Bills, doctors, etc.
    I have not heard of Risperdol for AS we were told there were no meds to help. He wouldn't take them anyway.

    We keep playing the draw the line in the sand game.

  5. Curious if you take any responsibility for issues in the relationship?

  6. I'm a mom of 5 kids and married for 23. It has never been easy..EVER. I have read books and tried desperately to figure out this man that i am married to and I have finally figured it out. He's an ASPIE. No formal diagnosis yet but I am SURE. I thought he was narcissistic and passive aggressive and verbally and emotionally abusive...well he is all that. To me Asperger Syndrome covers all of them. It is the worst, hardest thing in the world! I am almost a psycho over living like this for 23 years. I don't know who I am and that hurts me. If you have an AS husband and you are a very gentle, kind, loving and overly empathetic and compassionate NT then you are a sitting duck. We are polar opposites. I could write for a year. I want to write a book actually, so that I can get rich and support myself.. I'm so sad and so disappointed in my marital relationship and I am grieving my loss. I don't believe in divorce, but I don't believe in abuse in marriage either. Thank you for letting me share. It is good to know that I am not crazy or alone.